Stage 5 CLINGER***

We've all had them at some point in our lives...well at least that's my conclusion as of now. I've actually never really been in the position of "cling-ee" so to speak, until a certain someone *insert name IS*DRA GR*NT* played a very mean practical joke. A joke so cruel, that if she wasn't able to match my movie/television quote intelligence, the friendship would SO be over!


So it's Columbus Day weekend, and I get invited to an "ALL BLACK AFFAIR", rightfully so, being that I'm all black according to James Crow. And here comes my "BEST" friend (I'm still debating the use of that term for you missy) forcing me to tag along to a venue that she herself is being dragged to.

Now what this hoe FAILS TO TELL ME is that the young woman who was making her go

....was a fucking CLINGER!!

         ***PLEASE NOTE THAT FOR THE REST OF THIS BLOG, I WILL NOT USE NAMES FOR THE PERSON OF SUBJECT, AND WILL INPUT A PICTURE EVERY TIME INSTEAD JUST BECAUSE I AM AN ASSHOLE***

                            This child of God 

picks us up and drives us all to the soiree; a car ride that was spent with her talking about her love life in a HORRIBLE imitation of Jamaican Patois....

Mind you, I've NEVER met this woman

PRIOR to this, so the fact that she chose to disclose so much information upon first meeting should have set off an alarm.

We get there and this troubled human

sees my Blackberry, TAKES my Blackberry, and SCANS MY BARCODE!!!! ALL without me approving. (Yes I know that that IS partially my fault but I did NOT want to be my rude self and embrass "Bestie").

....throughout the course of the evening, this woman starts asking me for advice regarding her men troubles; to which I genuisely avoided by directing our attention to the dance floor.

  Fast forward to the next day, and the days after that, and I receive an abundance of BBMs from

all regarding NOTHING. I'd have statuses saying, "FRIENDS ONLY" and guess who decided they were included in that category?

YUP! You guessed it!

I'd start texting my "Bestie" like, "Hey your friend has a lot of issues", and her response?

"Yea I know. She hasn't hit me up in a while though. You're her new best-friend."


Normally, this would be a simple hardy har har kind of comment but because I KNOW this floozie Is*dra Gr*ant, I was well aware of what this meant.



SHE PAWNED HER OFF ON ME.


WEEKS went by and "Bestie" had no idea about what was going on in


 

's life.                     

It got to the point of me deleting her from my BBM, then making FAKE Facebook Statuses about losing my phone. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT??? At 25, I had to conduct fucking blueprints of lies in order to avoid all contact.

But of course my status received comments with pin numbers...FB messages saying "Hey girl, u ok?"...and my "lost" Blackberry got a REQUEST right after me stating it was "LOST" *bbm confused*

Of course they were all from:

Now to make matters worse, I ended up finding out that this chick was about 5yrs my elder!!!! 30 years old, and you are a fucking retard?? A clinger?? Annoying?? NO sense of style? (during our new found stalkship I was informed she shops at a store called G&G???)

Turkey Day rolls around and these whores decide to have a dinner at my house....and who shows up first? Extremely EARLY? And with a few fucking sodas??? Not to mention, behaves EXTREMELY anti-social and then the instant reggae comes on, begins to BANG on my DINING ROOM WALL like it's a damn bashment in Brooklyn?


Mercy, mercy, me! What IS going on?

I felt like I was being targeted since the first "hey boo" message...UMMM isn't "boo" only reserved for individuals you know at a certain level?


Well I'd like to give a big HARDY HAR fuck-ing HAR to you "Bestie"!

Way to plant one on me!